When you’re fooling around on the side, there’s inevitably going to be times when you need an alibi. No one’s perfect. You’re going to oversleep one morning, or forget one date, and when you do you’re going to need to do some verbal acrobatics to get yourself out of it. Things will be much easier for you if you’ve laid the groundwork already.
When You Just Need a Little Time
Whether you’ve overslept or you just absolutely, positively need to spend more time with your gal on the side, stalling has never been easier than in the smartphone age. The next time your car has problems like a flat tire, snag a photo of it with your camera phone, get it repaired, and don’t tell your wife.
Then when you’re running late, send her a text with the image of your car on the side of the freeway. Complain about it, how terrible it is, but you’re getting it towed and then getting a new tire, and you’ll be there as soon as you can. She’ll see the photo, recognize your car, and be none the wiser. The sweetest part of the deal? You can snag the cost of a tow and a flat tire from the ATM to support your story, and spend it on a nice night out. That supports your alibi and gives you and your side gal something special.
Having a Guy Who Has Your Back
Maybe there’s someone you know who could be an alibi for you. You could make this pact with another friend of yours if he’s fooling around, but it’s actually better that this person be an acquaintance. You might think that a lack of personal loyalty is a problem. Actually, it’s better that he not be too close to your family. Particularly your wife. A man who’s friends with your wife may eventually feel like he has to say something about what he knows. A man who doesn’t? He doesn’t care. He’s got no reason to break the deal. You cover for him, and he covers for you. If he gossips and breathes a word about it, you’ll tell his wife. It’s a double blackmail situation, but it works well.
If your wife ever catches you coming home way too late, tell her to call this man and he’ll vouch for you. If you have a deal with that man, he’ll know the second he picks up the phone and hears her voice that the jig is up. He’ll lie, cover you, and your wife will see that you didn’t possibly have time to tip him off that the call was coming. Return the favor if you ever need to, and you should be covered for most emergencies.
The trick to covering for yourself in the heat of the moment is to already have plans made and laid out. There shouldn’t be a second’s hesitation. If you have the pictures and a good wingman ready, then launch straight into indignation mode. How could she accuse you of that? Look, you even have proof that she’s way off base!